(I apparently favorite a lot of tweets. I think this will be a semi-monthly thing. I already did the first half of June, so here's the second half.)
@mrsdangelo: No, YOU just listened to Fresh Beat Band alone because your favorite song on the album came on after you dropped your kid off.
@TemerityJane: Ahahahaha babies are so dumb. Pen's all, scream of discontent! And I'm all, faux concern! Would you like to play with this empty bottle?
@TemerityJane: You guys! She went for it! And it's an empty vitamin bottle with a CHILD PROOF LID! What a dumb baby!
@TemerityJane: Guys. Guys. She's rolling the empty vitamin bottle back and forth across the Pen pen. She's actually playing with it. Shit, I am an asshole.
@mrsdangelo: My professor is wearing a Britney Spears microphone.
To which @TwoAdults replied: He's a slave 4 U, Tara.
@jonniker: If I had a home birth, I would be divorced.
@TemerityJane: Couldn't figure out why I thought a guy in a movie trailer on TV was so hot. Quick hop to imdb.com... Oh. Duh. It's Tim Riggins.
@_Snape_: Kristen Stewart is now the highest-paid actress in Hollywood. Avada Kedavra my life.
@jonniker: No! No, Facebook person! You do not take something for granite! NO! GRANITE, I CANNOT EVEN. Rocks! NO!
To which @Amy_Urquhart replied: Did I ever tell you about the dating profile I once read (before Graham) in which the guy described himself as self-defacating?
@Kate_Welsh: Yeah, 5" is a hard length. Too long for some, way too short for others. (She was talking about shorts. I am 12.)
@MollyLovesShoes: My MIL just called to ask me how to use the DVD player. At het father's house. In FLORIDA.
@snoozical: ALERT ALERT a coworker just reported she is naming her son BROCLEIGH.
@MariaMelee: I would like to hire Adam Shankman to react to things for me.
@mrsdangelo: My days are nothing but Fresh Beat Band songs in regular conversation. "Let's get up and go go." "Play play play the day away." "Bananas?"
@jonniker: I have not mastered loving-but-firm. My two settings are Loving and Banshee.
@TwoAdults: Things I have put in Wikipedia this AM: "The Raconteurs," "Kate Gosselin," "Louisiana Creole." So I'm pretty much ready to win Jeopardy.
@Mrs_Irritation: Happiness is waking up to discover the cat who has been cuddled up to you all night has a turd stuck in her fur.
(During a discussion on actors named Bill; specifically, the fact that I have for many years been very much in lust with Bill Pullman)
@ericahuff: Pullman is the cute one. Paxton is the smarmy one.
@mrsdangelo: I had to google him, too. I think my brain always goes to Murray. Then I think Erin's a freak for loving him.
@Kate_Welsh: Note to self: before getting concerned about suspicious looking new mole, check to make sure it's not actually chocolate almond butter.
@NotBagels: Once, my brother farted so loud it woke the dog, who then sniffed his own rear and looked ashamed. Poor dog!
@MegglesP: Here! She was almost bald, 1 broken tooth, street cat.
To which @NotBagels replied: THE BEST! If she were human, I imagine she'd sound a lot like Larry the Cable Guy.
@TemerityJane: Best new in law story: Family is adopting newborn, buys pump to hopefully induce lactation. Mother in law buys one, too.
To which @pinkiebling replied: Can you imagine if it works for the MIL but not the mom?
You guys, I have funny friends.